In looking at how prison was portrayed in movies and TV shows, William D. Hastings saw that, for the most part, writers employed broad strokes and generalizations. Having accumulated over a decade (and counting) of hands-on experience, he has expert knowledge about what it’s really like to live behind prison walls. This blog endeavors to use his expert experience and extensive knowledge of prison life to give a better understanding of prison as hilarious or absurd, and intermittently beautiful. Hastings hopes this blog can capture the microcosm of life behind prison walls, as it is indeed a unique world unto itself. Some of the unique prison slang utilized by William D. Hastings can be seen at

On the Rack

In the wake of the orange crush shakedown, I was left without a mat to sleep on. The mat in question had been confiscated presumably because it was deemed too thick. I had also wrapped several extra blankets around it, which made it entirely unauthorized, but completely plush and comfortable (compared to other prison beds, [...]

Orange Crush Shakedown

One minute the deck was empty, and in the next instant orange crush was everywhere. Moving unhindered from cell to cell and rousting inmates from slumber, pulling them from their rack and cuffing them immediately before shoving them out of the cell where they would be corralled by another Tac Team member while the first [...]

Defeated by a Doorknob

It was no secret that the door to the laundry room was a tricky thing that took a bit of skill and craftiness to coax open. Many a morning stillness and quietude had been destroyed by an inexperienced C/O kicking, banging, and pounding on it when all it took was a little finesse. That’s where [...]

The Unrepentant Pervert

Johnny had emptied a tube of chap stick and filled it instead with petroleum jelly. He carried it in his pocket so that he would always have it whenever the opportunity and/or mood caught him. He used the contents of the tube as lubrication when he masturbated. Why do I know this? Because he told [...]

Going Vegan

I stared at the mound of soy, a protein-rich meat substitute that on its own is really quite foul-tasting, and wondered what kind of magic I could work to turn it into something less disgusting and hopefully more edible. It had both the appearance and odor of wet dog food, so I knew that I [...]

Earthquake Recollections

Eddie enjoyed acting like an annoying jerk just for the sake of bothering people around him. It was his form of readymade entertainment, and he had a natural-born gift for it. So when the bed started vibrating sometime around five in the morning, shortly after the emptied breakfast trays had been collected through the chuckhole, [...]

Prison Facial

My face was searing like it had been set aflame, and the grit grinding into my pores felt like crumbs of crushed glass were being forced into my flesh. I didn’t think the process was very therapeutic, and couldn’t figure why people in the world paid big bucks for the procedure. Then my prison facial [...]

Deepthroat Danny

The sounds of his gagging and retching splintered the morning quietude, like a bothersome but effective alarm clock. Being the early-riser that I am, I was not awakened by his daily dental ablutions, they just aggravated me to no end and disgusted me more than a little. No Adonis Danny is an egomaniac of the [...]

Only Human

I was on the yard, just wandering and minding my own business—catching some fresh air and sunshine—when I came across two guys locked in a fierce embrace. This wasn’t a fight I had stumbled upon, but rather it was as if they were propping each other up. If either of them relinquished his grip, they’d [...]